Women Hold Up Nonprofits — But Who Holds Up Women Leaders?
Have you ever stared at your inbox, calendar, or office door and thought: If one more person needs something from me, I’ll break?
I have.
And I know I’m not alone.
Women make up the majority of nonprofit leaders. We hold up organizations that hold up our communities. And yet, too often, our own voices and leadership are undervalued, under-supported, and stretched to the point of burnout.
The stats back it up: women in nonprofit leadership experience burnout at rates 20% higher than men, and nonprofits face a 19% average employee turnover rate—well above the 12% cross-industry average (Neurolaunch, 2024). Dissatisfaction also runs deeper: 31% of women in nonprofit report being unsatisfied with their jobs, compared to only 17% of men—a much wider gender gap than in other sectors (Environics Institute, Burden of Care, 2023).
This is not sustainable.
Not for our leaders, not for our organizations, and not for our communities.
My Story: Service at All Costs
Years ago in Cape Town, I was working at a center supporting refugees. The door to my office never stopped opening.
A teacher: “I’ve lost the CD.”
A student: “I missed the midterm for work.”
A volunteer: “Can you help me prioritize?”
Of course, I said yes to everyone. That’s what I thought good leadership was: being endlessly available, holding everything together.
Until one day, staring at that door, dread rising in my chest, I thought: If one more person asks me for one more thing, I will scream.
And then came the guilt. How dare I feel so tired when those we served had survived so much? I looked through the glass into the open-plan office—my colleagues seemed fine. I thought, it must just be me. I felt alone. Ashamed. Not enough.
I tried breathwork, meditation, even a silent retreat. The calm never stuck.
Then I joined a woman-centered coaching program. My coach said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“This over-giving that you call generosity is actually a pattern of tying your worth to your work.”
The world went quiet. A light bulb flicked on. I saw myself clearly for the first time. I realized I’d been measuring my worth by how much I gave away—even when it left me empty.
That realization changed everything.
Step by step, I began to build a new way forward:
- Clarified my North Star – the vision I had for my life and the values to align with.
- Practiced boundaries – one “no,” one protected block, one delegation script at a time.
- Made clear requests – for support, realistic timelines, fair compensation.
- Created structures to thrive – focus mornings, energy check-ins.
- Stopped doing it alone – leaned into a circle of women who held me to my highest possibility.
Not long after, a boss announced I’d be “covering his role” while he was away—no conversation. Old me would have nodded and gone along. New me requested a private meeting. I told him, “I’m happy to support—and I’ll need compensation aligned with those responsibilities.”
Silence. He just looked at me. Then he asked: “How much do you want?”
We negotiated nearly double. I left shaking—not from fear, but from power. I realized the inner work I’d done was paying off. That moment rewrote my narrative.
The Bigger Picture: Why This Matters
My story isn’t unique.
In nonprofits, especially for women, leadership has too often meant sacrifice—absorbing excessive workloads, working long hours, saying yes even when it costs us.
And here’s the deeper truth: women are socialized from a young age to put others’ needs first. When we step into nonprofit work—where “putting others first” is literally the job description—that pattern gets amplified tenfold. What might be praised as generosity in one context quickly becomes overextension in this one.
Over time, this over-giving, depletion, and scarcity mindset has been normalized in the nonprofit sector. “Doing more with less” has become the mantra. Stretching ourselves thin is seen as dedication. It’s a bit like the Cinderella story flipped on its head: many women in nonprofits are still scrubbing the floors, sacrificing themselves for the mission, waiting for someone to show up with the glass slipper. But in our sector, no one is coming. And yet this culture erodes our capacity to lead, to innovate, and ultimately to sustain our missions.
One of the most damaging beliefs I see again and again among women leaders is: “If I take care of myself, I’m failing the people I serve.” It feels noble, even necessary, but the truth is the opposite. When we neglect ourselves, burnout becomes inevitable — and then we end up failing everyone, including the communities and causes we care most about.
Self-care and setting boundaries matter. But they aren’t enough if the paradigm stays the same—if women’s needs are always expected to take a backseat.
That’s why a paradigm shift is needed.
And real transformation doesn’t happen in isolation. In my experience, it requires three essential ingredients:
- Mentorship from someone who has been where you are and can guide you forward,
- Community with peers navigating similar experiences, and
- Accountability so our intentions turn into consistent action.
When those three pillars are in place, the shifts aren’t just theoretical—they become embodied, sustainable change.
Stories of Transformation
In my coaching programs, I’ve seen what becomes possible when women shift these patterns.
Adria Kitchens, Director of Equity and Activism at Out of Hand Theater, shared:
“I realized how much of my overworking came from the story that I couldn’t fail, which left me holding everything together alone. In the program, I learned to delegate, to trust others, and—most importantly—to own the value of my contributions. As a Black woman in nonprofit leadership, I had been minimizing or giving away credit without realizing it. Now, I acknowledge my impact and lead with greater confidence.”
Serah Gazali, Executive Lead at The Canadian Centre for Gender-Based Analysis Plus, reflected:
“One of the biggest shifts for me was learning to pause instead of overextend, to say no without guilt, and to track what fuels me versus what drains me. I’ve found myself working fewer hours but getting more meaningful work done. The program helped me unlearn the ‘do more with less’ mentality and reimagine leadership as sustainable and relational.”
Catherine Aw, Operations Director at BCACHC, added:
“I gained the confidence to be more intentional in how I show up at work, to ask for clarification, and to see difference as a strength. The program not only gave me tools for listening and reflecting but also the mindset to strive for balance, clarity, and continued growth.”
These stories echo a truth I see over and over: women often believe it’s “just me.” But when we gather, we discover it’s not individual failure—it’s systemic. And when we find the right support, transformation ripples outward.
A New Paradigm
What if we redefined service—not as self-sacrifice, but as sustainable leadership?
What if women leaders had structures, circles, and skills to thrive, not just survive?
What if we stopped doing it alone?
Because the truth is: we can’t. And we’re not meant to.
And yes, time always feels like the barrier. I hear it constantly: “I’m too busy to take a program, too busy to pause.” But as Sandra, a healthcare leader I worked with, reflected:
“We’re always busy. But if you can carve out the time to commit yourself to leadership support, it’s going to pay you back in spades—in time, energy, efficiency, direction, and intention.”
The truth is, investing in our own leadership doesn’t take us away from the mission. It strengthens it.
When women leaders are supported to stand in their power, organizations and communities flourish.
Closing Invitation
So I’ll leave you with a question:
Think of a moment when you stared at your “door”—whether that’s your inbox, your calendar, or your team—wishing everything would pause.
Now imagine what could happen if, instead of pushing harder, you had a clear map to lead with ease. What might transform for you, your team, and your mission?
Women hold up nonprofits. But we can only sustain that work if we also hold up women leaders.
It’s time to shift the paradigm.
Let’s do it together.👉 Learn more about my work with women leaders at https://transformativeconversations.ca/woman-centered-coaching/
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Daniela Cohen helps nonprofit organizations build cultures where everyone can thrive. With over 15 years of nonprofit leadership experience in Canada and South Africa, she specializes in designing and implementing conflict-positive systems that foster collaboration, reduce turnover, and strengthen team cohesion.
Daniela has facilitated programs on equity, diversity and inclusion, and youth leadership, with a focus on creating meaningful, lasting change. As a Woman-Centered coach, she supports women changemakers to break free from cycles of overwhelm and burnout by identifying and transforming the hidden internal narratives that keep them stuck to be able to lead with greater clarity, confidence, and sustainability. As a writer, Daniela believes in the power of narrative to create connection, shift culture, and spark social transformation.