Nonprofit Networking for People Who’d Rather Get a Root Canal
“Is my breath okay?” “Am I talking too much?” “What do I do with my hands?!”
One of my closest friends called me last month when she had the opportunity to go to an event at her grad school, where she so desperately longs to build her professional network. She asked,
“How do you do it? How do you talk to people? …I don’t think I’m gonna go.”
I was stunned, because my bestie is one of those beautifully magnetic people who others fall in love with effortlessly, and yet here she was, stressing as though she was a social pariah. She’d called on me because there have been many times where she’s witnessed me strike up conversations with an older gentleman as we left the movie theater, asking how he liked the flick. Or shouting to a woman on an escalator to see where she found Tanghulu in the mall. Okay, yea, and asking a random dad pushing a stroller where he’d found a Bluey hat… yes, I see why she called me.
But I can’t help it – I learned from the best. Introducing, Mom:
My mom was both the “hostess with the mostess” and probably the most down to earth person you’d have ever met. I grew up witnessing her be a calming and familiar presence with everyone she encountered – she’d never met a stranger. Whether we were grabbing some more chopped liver from the deli or seeing a matinee at the Tenplex, she knew not just the names of all the employees but would ask how their spouse or kids were doing – and she even knew their names too.
I’m not sure she realized with each interaction that she was teaching me:
1. Treat everyone you meet with dignity and respect
2. This is how you build community.
Years later, I’d get to exercise these skills professionally as I attended a performing arts college and even more when I decided to pursue a music career. But in my windy path of industries well-traveled, I’ve witnessed how vital networking is in the nonprofit sector.
Nonprofit Networking: The Social Equivalent of Walking on Legos
As a former Director of Operations at a nonprofit in Philadelphia, I was often the first touch for individuals in the community we served, leadership, staff, board members, donors and stakeholders.
But wait, there’s more! I also had to meet with prospective sponsors for our annual event along with volunteers, partners and beyond.
Fortunately, thanks to the unintended training from my mom I always approached each conversation with an open mind and as an opportunity to build a lasting connection. Whether you can benefit from someone or not, well… you never know. That’s why in the music world, we make friends with the guy checking tickets at the door. But there’s a caveat:
The guy working the door knows the difference between someone befriending him for his access vs someone befriending him because it’s nice to see a friendly face at the venue.
When “Let’s Grab Coffee” Feels Like a Threat
Not all nonprofit network-building feels effortless. I get it, I’ve had my days. But I know for some people, social anxiety is their everyday experience.
You may be panicking about approaching a prospective new donor.
You might abhor saying “yes” to “pick your brain” calls from distant colleagues. When you see a coffee chat appointment on your calendar you try to think of any excuse to postpone.
If you’re nodding your head right now, take a deep breath.
You’re literally not alone:
80% of nonprofit professionals find networking essential to their career success, and yet between generalized anxiety and fear of public speaking, many are opting out of solutions to the “meet & greet” and moving toward complete avoidance.
But the catch about nonprofit networking is that dodging it entirely means guaranteed missed opportunities. Every connection not made is a door left unopened, a conversation left unstarted, a possibility left unexplored. I don’t know about you, but that level of FOMO is enough to keep me up at night.
How to Survive (and Maybe Even Enjoy) Nonprofit Networking
So how do we make nonprofit networking feel easier? Here are some tips that work both in-person and virtually:
1. Ready yourself with a tried & true convo starter:
I love this tip from feminist dating coach Lily Womble – she recommends asking ‘What’s been giving you joy lately?’ on first dates. Why not bring that same energy to nonprofit networking? It’s open-ended, genuinely curious, and way more interesting than ‘So… what do you do?’ Plus, when someone lights up talking about their latest passion project or their adorable rescue dog, you’ve just discovered the perfect springboard for meaningful conversation.
2. Start small and claim your space:
Here’s the thing about networking – you don’t have to work the entire room the moment you step through the door. Instead, think of it like finding your favorite spot at a coffee shop. Maybe it’s by the veggie crudités (yes, to an effortless conversation starter!) or near the photo booth. Pick your cozy corner and make it your home base – a place to recharge between conversations or a familiar spot to host new ones.
Working remotely? The same principle applies. Start with a 15-minute phone call instead of a marathon Zoom session. It’s like dipping your toe in the water before diving in – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The goal isn’t to become a nonprofit networking superhero overnight; it’s to build your confidence one small interaction at a time.
3. Get out of your head (and let them out of yours!):
Ever catch yourself writing an entire imaginary script in your head? ‘They must be bored.’ ‘I’m definitely talking too much.’ ‘They’re probably looking for an escape route.’ Sound familiar?
Instead of playing mind reader, try this: be direct but kind. If you’re genuinely enjoying the conversation, say so! Something like ‘I’m really enjoying learning about your work in environmental conservation’ can open the door for them to either agree and continue or gracefully wrap things up. And if you’re the one needing a breather? It’s totally okay to say, ‘It’s been great chatting – I’m going to grab some water and meet a few more folks.’
Authentic networking isn’t about endurance – it’s about connection. Give yourself (and others) permission to end conversations naturally. And trust them that they’re more than capable of doing so.
4. Make it about them:
You know that moment when you realize you’ve just spent five minutes rapid-fire listing every job you’ve ever had? We’ve all been there! When nervousness kicks in, it’s tempting to prove our worth by sharing our entire LinkedIn profile in one breath.
Shifting the spotlight to the other person not only helps calm your nerves but also creates genuine connection. When you catch yourself in resume-recitation mode, take a breath and pivot with a thoughtful question about their work or interests. Think of conversation like a game of tennis – it’s more fun when both people get to hit the ball back and forth.
Remember what my mom taught me: everyone you meet has a story worth hearing. Your job isn’t to impress them – it’s to discover what makes them light up.
5. Give yourself permission to uphold boundaries:
Here’s a mantra worth memorizing: ‘I reserve the right to end any conversation I want to, no apology necessary.’
Think about it – we spend so much time in the nonprofit world trying to find alignment and build bridges that sometimes we forget we’re allowed to say ‘no thank you.’ Whether it’s a potential donor whose values don’t align with your mission, or a networking contact who’s giving you that gut feeling that something’s off – you have permission to gracefully exit.
I learned this from years of performing: not every audience member needs to become a superfan. The same applies to networking. Politely wrap up the conversation, wish them well, and move on to find connections that energize rather than drain you. Life’s too short to force connections that don’t serve either party.
…But I’m an Introvert
Introverts? I haven’t forgotten you.
Bonus Tip – Your “Introvert” Label Isn’t Your Whole Story: Let’s talk about that ‘I’m an introvert’ shield for a moment. While it’s absolutely valid to understand and honor how you recharge, don’t let this label become your whole networking story.
Before your next event, try this: Ground yourself by asking, ‘How would I approach this conversation if I weren’t focused on being an introvert?’ You might surprise yourself with the answer. Just like a performer prepares before going on stage, create your own pre-networking ritual. Maybe it’s five deep breaths in your car, or a power pose in the bathroom mirror.
Networking in any sector is simply a social muscle that needs regular exercise. Just like a workout, know your limits and have a recovery plan. Maybe it’s 30 minutes of quiet time after an event, a soothing playlist for your drive home, or journaling about your conversations.
Remember: Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re bad at networking – it just means you need to be intentional about how you spend and replenish your social energy.
Congrats, You Networked! Now What?
You’ve conquered your nonprofit event – but not so fast… Just like you’re not done with the laundry until you’ve folded it and put it away, your work isn’t done just yet.
So what comes next? How do you make sure all your hard work doesn’t amount to a dusty contact in your phone that you can’t place a face to?
1. Do your future self a favor and make a note:
Ever had that moment where someone waves enthusiastically and you’re thinking ‘I know them from… somewhere?’ Save your future self from that awkward moment by jotting down quick memory-joggers before moving on to your next conversation.
Think of it like creating a password hint – instead of ‘What street did you grow up on?’ it’s ‘Met Susie at the fundraising workshop – the one with the amazing community garden project.’ These little breadcrumbs will make your follow-up emails more personal and your next encounter much smoother.
2. Grab their contact info:
Found someone you genuinely want to stay connected with? Don’t let that great conversation fade into the networking void! Pick your preferred method – whether it’s LinkedIn, email, or good old-fashioned business cards (or digital ones like hihello.com) – and make it your post-event ritual.
Pro tip: Send a quick follow-up message within 24 hours mentioning something specific from your chat. It shows you were truly present and sets the foundation for a lasting connection.
3. Clear your cache (refresh your network):
Just like your phone needs a storage cleanup now and then, so does your professional nonprofit network. Not every connection needs to be forever – and that’s okay! Periodically review your contacts and be honest about which relationships still align with your path and values.
Some connections naturally fade, like that coffee chat from three years ago that never quite sparked. Bless and release them, making space for new connections that energize and inspire you. Think of it as mindful networking – keeping your professional circle
authentic and meaningful rather than collecting contacts like POGs (gosh, I’m showing my age).
Turns Out, Talking to Humans Has Its Perks
Remember my friend who almost skipped that grad school event? She went. When I called her later to collect her networking wins, her deadpan response was, ‘Do you want me to lie?’ That first event was small, with just one meaningful connection. But here’s where it gets good – she didn’t let that initial awkward foray into professional mingling become her villain origin story.
Round two? She pre-registered (we love accountability) and ended up in what she thought was just casual conversation with a friendly group, including an engaging older gentleman. Plot twist: she’d been accidentally charming the department director himself. Even better? People remembered her from last time – turns out showing up twice makes you practically a regular. Her voice memo afterwards was pure joy, and she’s already signed up for round three.
Think about all the impactful conversations you’ve already missed because you decided – on someone else’s behalf – that they wouldn’t want to talk to you. The coffee chat that could’ve introduced you to your next stakeholder. The hallway encounter that might’ve led to your dream development role. The random connection that could’ve loudly championed your mission.
I mean, if I’d pre-decided that stroller dad would think I was being weird, I would’ve missed out on locating a sweet Bluey hat. And honestly? That would’ve been the real social tragedy.
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Shay Leonia is a proud elder-millennial whose gift for meaningful connection has taken her on a bizarre ride through industries—nonprofit leadership, Times Square music studios, and the professional wedding circuit as a vocalist.
She launched 44th Minute Media in 2017 in tribute to her mom and now serves as a trusted thought partner to clients across the nonprofit and for-profit space, supporting everything from strategy to operations to marketing. She loves pitbull cuddles, spicy coffee, and actually being a fan of the bands whose T-shirts she wears.
Learn more and connect with Shay on Linkedin.