Confidence Theater: A Nonprofiteer’s Lament
It happens often in one’s career. It, of course, refers to The Feeling in your throat when the ridiculous thing happens. The ridiculous thing? It’s never one specific thing. Rather, a series of things which culminate in a moment where you look at the non-existent camera like Jim from The Office.
The Feeling? It’s like when you have a stomach bug, 20 to 30 seconds before you lose your last meal. It’s not all-the-way terrible but it’s not very fun, either. I remember one such moment (un)fondly.
It was budgeting season and the key decision-maker (KDM) was proposing a 60 percent (!) increase to the bottom line. An increase for which there was no plan, and worse, no plan if we missed the mark. When I pressed for the logic behind the increase, KDM’s response was curious: “The staff keep asking for more things and I don’t know how to turn them down.”
(Fundraiser friends, I can feel you feeling The Feeling.)
This is a regular experience in the social sector. Short-range decisions which translate into long-range disasters. And more often than not, the buck doesn’t stop with KDM. It stops with the head of [revenue, programming, marketing, etc.] who couldn’t “figure it out.”
In the same budget meeting, following my panicked diatribes about strategy, history, and more simply, the wild stress this would put on a small team, KDM provided another curious response:
“This is the budget we are presenting to the Board. And when we do, I need you to project confidence this is achievable.”
Now…
One of my biggest flaws (or strengths, depending on how you see it) is a complete handicap when it comes to lying. Even fibbing a little bit gets me flustered and red in the face. This comes in particularly unhandy when our toddler asks me questions most parents would respond to with a redirect.
When the very financially savvy Board chair looked to me for my honest feedback about the revenue trajectory, my Big Flaw kicked in. The resulting conversation was hard, frustrating, and incredibly necessary.
In that meeting, The Feeling was nowhere to be found. Instead, Dashboard Confessional’s “Vindicated” soared overhead like the anthem every nonprofiteer needs at least once per fiscal quarter.
The budget didn’t pass. The Board sent KDM back to the drawing board. The blame game began. Staff began asking frantic, understandable questions. KDM dispersed blame like free t-shirts from a cannon at a sportsball game. I resigned; half the management team resigned. The Board decided maybe they made a mistake hiring KDM.
The feeling you’re feeling at this point of the article, nonprofiteer? That’s some amalgam of nostalgia, déjà vu, and solidarity.
These aren’t the trappings of a particular type of organization. Tiny shops, startups, billion-dollar behemoths. No corner of the social sector is immune. And the experience among nonprofiteers is fairly congruent, too.
In the Social Impact Staff Retention project, which I proudly co-lead with Michelle Flores Vryn, we have the receipts. Since we began collecting the data in 2023, nonprofit employees in the United States have told us they are: overworked, underpaid, and unsupported. (Look for the 2026 findings early in the New Year!)
And the cost? Seven in 10 nonprofiteers are consistently looking for new jobs. (Yes, that’s much higher than other industries.) This isn’t simply about burnout or turnover. It’s a slow, aching erosion of trust—inside our organizations and out in the world. This is no good for our people; it’s no good for the people we serve.
And yet, I still find a way to say this: it’s not hopeless. Not all organizations are like the one above. Not all bosses are like KDM. I find myself now in a remarkably supportive, open, trusting place—and it didn’t get there on accident. It took years of listening, responding, and most importantly, ensuring resources are available for great work to happen.
If you’ve made it this far and are still looking for some hype, I will suggest a couple things.
First, you’re reading this on The Nonprofit Hive blog. Which, hopefully, means you are taking part in their weekly, FREE chats with other nonprofiteers around the world. You can sign up right here and you’ll be expertly paired in conversations good for your mind and soul.
Second, please take a peek at The Tether. This is a growing, glorious list of resources I’ve been pulling together from the field, for you. It’s pages, people, podcasts, and more to help you dig deeper or steeper in the work you do. Everything there is free, though a few resources have paid options.
I know. Every article like this always has three calls to action. But this is a lament and I don’t have a third thing for you. It’s the New Year, the toddler has another ear infection, and you don’t need a laundry list of homework.
Go forth, nonprofiteer.
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Evan Wildstein is a Hiver and nonprofiteer with 22+ years of in-house fundraising, strategy, and operations experience. Beyond his social impact work, Evan has coached organizations on board development and talent growth, commissioned operas, and produced learning initiatives. His book, The Nonprofiteer’s Fundraising Field Guide, and Social Impact Staff Retention research project are small ways he works to improve the well-being of our industry.