CARE, NOT CAKE: NONPROFIT LEADERSHIP’S HARDEST LESSON
In July 2019, I earned the honor of managing a team for the first time. I was a mid-career fundraising practitioner, ready to level up. There were growing pains, sure, but I liked leading. I liked being a boss. And honestly? I thought I was great at it!
And then came March 2020.
Less than a year into my promotion, the world shut down. My team and I were suddenly working from kitchen tables and spare bedrooms as COVID swept across the globe. Everyone ran out of toilet paper. People bleached their produce. Brushed their teeth with Ivermectin. Stores tried to contact trace with a clipboard and a pen.
And just when it couldn’t get weirder — it got political. Mask mandates, vaccine requirements, remote work policies all became dividing lines.
By 2021, my team was splintered. And we were all expected to return to work like nothing had happened. Like we hadn’t been grieving, panicking, adjusting, unraveling.
I didn’t last much longer leading that team. In 2022, I left the job I once loved. I was exhausted, frustrated, and honestly — just done. Managing had started to feel like babysitting a room full of unhappy, petty adults, who also happened to compose a high-performing, competent fundraising team that I loved dearly.
Since then, I’ve done a lot of self-reflection. And I’ve come to understand that some of the burnout was on me. I wasn’t doing a great job of meeting my team where they were. I wasn’t honoring what they needed to feel safe, seen, and valued — especially during a crisis.
Now, as a manager forged in the fires of a global pandemic, I’ve learned that psychological safety isn’t optional. It’s the baseline. Before I focus on goals or metrics, I focus on people and what they need to feel affirmed and safe.
Because when people feel safe — truly safe — they show up differently. They give more of themselves. They want to be there.
THE GOLDEN RULE NEED NOT APPLY HERE.
Creating belonging isn’t easy. It’s not one-size-fits-all. Everyone “belongs” differently.
Being a good nonprofit leader doesn’t mean treating everyone the same as you want to be treated.
Making that assumption was one of my earliest mistakes as a manager. I thought being a good boss meant planning fun team activities. Being the laid-back, cool boss. Hosting happy hours
and potlucks. Encouraging small talk. Having an open-door policy. Being recklessly approachable.
Because that’s who I am. I’m an extrovert — personally and professionally. But here’s the hard truth. (And I’m gonna hold your hand as I tell you this.) Not everyone wants to attend your forced, after-hours co-worker thing. (That lesson was one that hurt to learn. Trust me.)
Not everyone wants small talk. Or doughnuts in the break room. Or to pause in the middle of their workday to sing “Happy Birthday” to their coworkers.
And yes — even when it’s “optional,” it’s not truly optional. The pressure is there. The expectation is baked in. And that can feel suffocating for folks who just want to do their job and go home.
Can you believe it? Some people simply want to clock in at 9:00 a.m., slam their laptop shut at 5:00 p.m. after a hard day’s work, and not give another thought to it until the next business day. The audacity!
SYKE! It’s not audacious. It’s okay. Perfectly reasonable. Normal, even.
This approach to work might be mistaken as a lack of care. It’s not. Instead, it’s an abundance of boundaries — truly an approach to be lauded, that probably does not get enough credit, actually.
SO, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AS YOU STRIVE TO BE AN EXCEPTIONAL NONPROFIT LEADER?
It means seeing people — really seeing them — and asking what they need to thrive. It means honoring individuality, not imposing your preferences. It means recognizing that your team members are whole people, with lives and identities and challenges beyond their job description.
If you’re grateful for your team and their contributions — mean it.
Of course, this takes work. Real belonging is intentional and sometimes means breaking from the cultural norm. And while the culture shift starts with you, it can’t end with you. You must lead by example. Make it clear that belonging matters, that everyone belongs differently, and that the rest of the team must honor those differences, too.
NOW WHAT?
I know what you’re thinking:
“If everyone belongs differently, how do I build a culture where everyone feels welcome?” One word: Ask.
When I step into a new leadership role, or bring someone new onto my team, I have a punch list of questions I like to go over with new teammates on day one:
• How do you prefer to communicate during the day?
• Think of the best manager or teacher you’ve ever had. What made them great? • What management habits drive you absolutely up the wall?
• What else can I do to help you feel seen, heard, and valued in your role?
YOUR TEAM IS A REFLECTION OF YOU AND YOUR WORK
The critical work we do in the nonprofit sector is only as strong as the team doing it. And the team will only thrive if each individual feels safe, supported, and valued — like they’re part of something bigger than themselves.
That’s leadership.
Not happy hours. Not cake.
Care.
(I will eat their slice for them if they’re okay with it.)
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Bri Gerzevske, MA, CFRE, is a career fundraising leader with nearly 14 years of experience in the faith-based and social-service sectors. In the office, Bri demonstrates that even the best and most effective leaders routinely show up to work in clothes that are inside-out and/or backwards. When she’s not working, Bri blogs, makes art, and plays Dungeons & Dragons.