The Nonprofit Burnout Crisis Part 3: What I Wish I’d Known About Stress When I Burned Out
*this article is part of a series. Check out Part 1, Part 2 and Part 4
In my last article, I shared my experience with nonprofit burnout. Now, I’ll share the top three things I wish I’d known about stress when I burned out 10 years ago during a dark time of exhaustion, anxiety, and numbness.
Whether you’re experiencing work burnout or feeling overwhelmed by soul-crushing world events, remember: you are not alone, my friend. 💛
Before reading further, know that everyone’s experience of stress is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care. Please take what serves you and leave what doesn’t.
Here’s what I would have lovingly told myself when I burned out:
1. You are focused on blaming external factors you have little/no control over.
When I experienced burnout, I was draining a lot of time and mental energy worrying about what other people were doing or not doing.
Today I acknowledge these habits of overthinking and worry with a lot of compassion and awareness of how the human brain functions (more on that later).
The narrative I used to tell myself on repeat was:
- My team and I weren’t supported or recognized enough.
- My workload was too heavy and my to-do list was never ending.
- My work environment was chaotic and stressful.
These are legitimate contributors to nonprofit burnout, and we all deserve compassion for these experiences.
2. No matter what is happening outside of you, you can choose where to place your attention.
It’s helpful to compassionately notice the difference between reacting to external stressors we can’t control and responding to stress in our own bodies, which we can manage.
External stressors can be real (like devastating political outcomes) and imagined (like assuming the worst from a last-minute meeting request).
3. Understanding how to support your brain and body helps you deal with stress.
Our brains have a threat system constantly scanning for problems. Research shows:
🧠 80% of our daily thoughts are negative
🧠 95% are repetitive thoughts from the day before
🧠 85% of what we worry about never happens
The good news: We all have both a threat system and a care system. Our care system helps calm our nervous system and find inner safety. It’s what enables our creativity, calm, and compassion in difficult moments.
Burnout is not an individual’s fault, it’s a systemic issue, and there are many ways we can proactively support our well-being. We can build our capacity to access our inner care system with greater ease and resilience, helping us take care of our stress before it builds into burnout.
Don’t believe everything you think
When I first learned these stats, my knee-jerk reaction was, “well that’s depressing.” So if at first these stats sound gloom and doom, I understand. Once I accepted that this is our biology + societal conditioning at work, it felt empowering to realize there’s nothing wrong with me (or you) for having negative thoughts and worries.
It feels freeing to realize that I don’t need to believe all the thoughts and habitual reactions that my body and brain manufactures in its best efforts to keep me safe.
You can learn to notice and observe the autopilot, self-critical, and judgmental thoughts. You get to choose what thoughts to believe and practice helpful ways of relating to those protective thoughts–including deciding that they aren’t true and you don’t need to follow them down a rabbit hole.
When dealing with stress:
- Try not to beat yourself up for feeling stressed (no matter how “small” the stressor may seem)
- Take mindful pauses to breathe and reset
- Practice acknowledging and welcoming all feelings
When I notice I’m experiencing feelings of fear and overwhelm, I practice tuning into my inner care system and responding with love. I take a deep breath and acknowledge these feelings like unexpected guests who randomly showed up at my intimate, introvert-friendly birthday party.
I notice my tendency to want to avoid them or push them out the door, and I remember that they are seeking safety and belonging. I pay attention to the tightness in my neck and shoulders, place my hand on my heart, and nonjudgmentally witness minimizing thoughts like “this is not a big deal,” or “other people have more stressful problems.”
Instead, I try to welcome all feelings to the party as if I invited them. I get to know these guests with kindness and curiosity. We all want to be seen and heard, and the same applies to the feelings in our bodies. I remind myself that these guests aren’t going to stay forever, they have something they really want to tell me, and they will eventually leave. Preferably by 9pm, as I have a bedtime.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of moments when anxiety shows up and I decide to close the door on it, curl up under my baby pink weighted blanket, and zone out to The Great British Bake Off with a cuppa Earl Grey and dark chocolate. 🫖🍫
Being Gentle with Yourself During Times of Stress
Please be gentle on yourself – I am not about shaming myself (or anyone) for having human reactions to stress and trauma, including avoiding or suppressing emotions that feel too painful to acknowledge, let alone, to welcome in with acceptance and love. There is no timeline for processing grief and heartbrokenness. We all deserve the time and space needed to move and rest at our own pace, especially people who have been marginalized by society.
Whenever possible, I try to be aware of what I am choosing to do in response to a painful event – whatever that choice may be. And I try to be kind to myself and others for making the choices that feel right for them at the moment.
I know that if I don’t eventually hit pause on the decorative biscuit competition zone and start mindfully noticing the anxious guests that are visiting me, they’ll get even more loud and persistent about getting my attention–piling on stress headaches, catastrophic thought spirals, gut issues, and bodily tension until I have no choice except to deal with them.
I’ve learned it’s better to pay attention to their whispers and turn toward them with love + the support of my community rather than constantly pretending they are not there and waiting for them to blow up at me–ultimately causing more harm to myself and others.
“The more we take care of our inner life, the more we take care of the world.”
-Hugh Byrne
Ending with a mindful pause
Try this simple one-breath practice when you’re needing compassion: “Breathing in, I do my best. Breathing out, I let go of the rest.” (shout out to Search Inside Yourself for this beautiful micropractice that I do regularly).
The mindfulness and self-compassion techniques that I reference in this article are free, quick, and accessible. While they aren’t complicated, they do require regular practice to build resilience and find peace when things feel hopeless.
Tap into community
If you resonate with what I’m sharing and would like some support, check out my free resources, including guided meditations and a nonprofit burnout prevention kit.
I also welcome you to Connect with me on LinkedIn and join my free Mindfulness Community for Changemakers events on Insight Timer.
My next article will explore a deeper reason for nonprofit burnout, and what you can do to alleviate it.
*this article is part of a series. Check out Part 1, Part 2 and Part 4
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Megan supports changemakers in building leadership skills and navigating burnout. She is passionate about helping you make an impact without losing yourself. Megan offers 1/1 coaching, team workshops, and free burnout prevention sessions on Insight Timer to release stress through guided meditation. She is an 18 year nonprofit professional, certified coach, Search Inside Yourself organizational teacher, and nonprofit burnout survivor.
Learn more and connect with Megan at meganwhitneycoaching.com