From Avoidance to Alignment: Building Conflict-Positive Cultures in Nonprofits
Have you ever sat in a meeting where the air felt so heavy, it was hard to breathe? Everyone pretending things are fine while something important simmers under the surface. Then, a few weeks later, someone quits—and no one really talks about why.
I’ve witnessed this pattern again and again in the nonprofit sector over the past 15 years. And I get it. We’re passionate about our missions. We care deeply. But when it comes to conflict? Most of us avoid it like the plague.
And that avoidance comes at a cost—one I know intimately.
My Roots: Conflict as a Defining Force
I grew up in apartheid South Africa, a system built on racial division, oppression, and enforced silence. Until I was 15, every child in my school was white. It wasn’t until the year before the first democratic election that our schools were integrated. I remember how thrilled I was to meet classmates from different backgrounds for the first time. One of those new friends was a Black girl named Hlubi, who lived in the townships and took a bus for over an hour just to get to school.
We became close, but we could never visit each other’s homes. Our friendship existed within strict, invisible walls. And though apartheid laws were beginning to crumble, the deeper divisions—social, emotional, psychological—remained.
That experience shaped me. It opened my eyes not only to injustice, but to the need for spaces where people from diverse backgrounds and perspectives can come together to share their experiences. What drives my work is the belief that when we create space for honest, respectful dialogue, we build the foundations for greater resonance, empathy, and connection—both within our teams and in the wider world.
The Culture of Avoidance
When I moved to Canada at 16, I entered a culture that, on the surface, seemed gentler. But I quickly realized something else: conflict wasn’t addressed here either. It was just buried under layers of politeness. In the nonprofit organizations I worked with, when tensions arose, people were told to “work it out with your colleague” or “go to HR”—without tools, support, or structure.
And for women, who make up the majority of nonprofit staff? It’s even harder. We’ve been socialized to keep the peace, to be agreeable, to avoid being labeled “difficult.” Raising concerns feels risky, even when staying silent is taking a toll.
But avoiding conflict doesn’t make it go away. It festers under the surface. It poisons team dynamics. It drives good people out. And it undermines the very impact we’re here to make.
A New Way Forward: Conflict-Positive Cultures
That’s why I co-developed a system called ACCESS (ARIA Creative Conflict Engagement Systems) with Dr. Jay Rothman of the ARIA Group, a conflict engagement organization based in Ohio. Jay had facilitated many successful mediations—only to watch organizations unravel after he left. We wanted to create something that could be embedded into daily culture. Something people could own and sustain themselves.
ACCESS is based on a simple but powerful premise: conflict isn’t the enemy. Avoidance is.
To be conflict-positive means we don’t see conflict as a failure—but as a signal. A spark. A chance to realign, clarify, and strengthen relationships and systems.
What Makes ACCESS Different
ACCESS is:
- Tailored to each organization through collaborative design
- Structured for safety with a simple ARIA Meeting model anyone can learn
- Values-based, keeping the heart of your mission at the center
- Proactive, helping teams surface and address tensions early
- Sustainable because it’s embedded at the cultural level
In an ARIA Meeting, team members listen deeply to one another—not to debate, but to understand. They get to name why an issue matters to them, which creates the foundation for empathy and collaboration.
And here’s the best part: this kind of engagement doesn’t drain energy—it builds it. When people feel heard, they bring their full selves back to the table.
Real-World Impact
I’ve seen this shift firsthand.
Working with a social justice organization in the U.S., their team was already deeply committed to dialogue and care. But things changed when they implemented ACCESS. Suddenly, they had a clear structure for navigating emotionally charged conversations. As one team member put it:
“Conflict positivity allowed us to commit to modeling the relationships we invite our guests into. One of the most important features was having a clear process for the conversation. The role play was so helpful. We could practice imperfectly—and have fun doing it!”
With the Immigrant Women Initiative here in Canada, we focused on conflict challenges specific to immigrant women navigating Canadian workplaces. The workshop provided practical tools to communicate constructively, manage tension, and lead with confidence. The feedback was deeply moving—women felt seen, supported, and empowered to handle situations they used to fear.
The Bigger Picture: Connection at the Core
Building a conflict-positive culture isn’t just about reducing turnover or increasing productivity (though it does both). It’s about honoring the humanity in our teams. It’s about creating organizations where people can show up fully—messy, passionate, and real—and work through challenges together.
It’s about community.
So if you’re a nonprofit leader tired of the whisper networks, the simmering resentment, the unspoken tension—you’re not alone. And there is another way.
Let’s stop managing conflict behind closed doors and start engaging it as a collective. Let’s create the kind of cultures we say we believe in—transparent, inclusive, and truly collaborative.
That’s how we sustain our missions.
That’s how we stay whole while making change.
And that’s how we build the world we dream of—together.
You can learn more about creating conflict-positive organizations here: https://transformativeconversations.ca/conflict-transformation/
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Daniela Cohen helps nonprofit organizations build cultures where everyone can thrive. With over 15 years of nonprofit leadership experience in Canada and South Africa, she specializes in designing and implementing conflict-positive systems that foster collaboration, reduce turnover, and strengthen team cohesion.
Daniela has facilitated programs on equity, diversity and inclusion, and youth leadership, with a focus on creating meaningful, lasting change. As a Woman-Centered coach, she supports women changemakers to break free from cycles of overwhelm and burnout by identifying and transforming the hidden internal narratives that keep them stuck to be able to lead with greater clarity, confidence, and sustainability. As a writer, Daniela believes in the power of narrative to create connection, shift culture, and spark social transformation.